more.
adjective. greater, additional, further.
i've been feeling a void lately.
void of words.
void of motivation.
void of emotions.
it's been really difficult for me not to be able to write.
like someone was caging up my soul in a cage far too small.
because of this void,
i've been on the search for something more.
more inspiration.
more motivation.
more words.
more emotions.
more life.
more.
and as i sit here in the car, because i spontaneously bought a plane ticket to then drive my life away...
waiting for a better way... (that one was for you, dad + eddie rabbitt).
...i was feeling that void more than ever.
i always think too much in cars. overanalyze things too painful, too complicated.
to be honest, i've been very discouraged lately.
with school.
with my art.
with myself.
with the world.
yes...especially with the government and society.
it's been incredibly hard for me to see a man in office who is exactly like the boys who sexually harassed me every day a few years ago. but instead of just grabbing me by the pussy, they grabbed me by the ass in the hallway, you know, claiming their property.
those memories have been creeping back ever since a boy just like them is the president of the united states.
it's been hard for me to see comments and opinions of those that are degrading, not only women, but all the amazing progress we have fought to make.
it's been hard seeing such stupidity and hatred in this world.
this world that can be so beautiful if people would just be accepting and spread some love and respect. if we could just defeat hatred, sexism, racism, bigotry, etcetera.
this has been heavy on my soul.
all this pain.
alongside this giant writer's block, that also has been blocking my soul and emotions...
my happiness,
my freedom,
my inspiration,
and creativity.
it's been hard.
and i've been struggling for years now, but this past two months more than ever.
so today, when i was shuffling through spotify,
searching for something new.
something that made me feel.
something that unlocks the cage.
i stumbled upon:
More by SOJA.
how ironic it was when that more i was searching for was just that...More.
now i heard this song about a year ago. live. at stir cove in iowa.
SOJA played a song that they hadn't released yet.
and the lyrics engraved into my soul, beautifully, effortlessly.
they made me feel.
they made me think.
they made me present.
the world had stopped turning. and the only thing that mattered was that song.
that moment.
those words.
that truth.
and i've been waiting for this song to come out, because i earned hearing those words again. the melody. the meaning. the everything that the song is.
and today it saved me.
it made me present.
it set my soul free.
it made me write.
after two months of an empty abyss, no words, a painful numbness.
it made me write.
and my god, it is more.
i don't know if you believe in fate or if you're rolling your eyes and saying it's just a coincidence, but i feel as if this song was meant to come back to me today. to come free me today, when the void was becoming overwhelming.
i feel it.
and i want you all to feel it too.
here's the link to the song (if you didn't catch it up top):
more.
i hope you listen to the song,
the words,
the truth.
and i hope you find your more.
xoxo,
drea.
p.s. love yourself out of voids.
i know it's hard...but it's the only way.
i'm here if you need me.
