noun. time of night. (10:49 pm for those of you who don't know military time).
it's 22:49 on 17 april 2017.
i haven't written in a long time and i'm so sorry.
i've been dealing with a lot.
school is stressful.
i struggle to find motivation to study for the tests that i know determine my grade point average.
i've been stressed.
i've been tired. so unbelievably tired.
yet i've been inspired.
i quit my job. i started my own photography business.
i'm in the process of starting my own graphic design/advertising free-lance website as well.
i said yes to my creativity.
i like that.
it's 22:49 and i should be studying for informational systems technology. but i can't.
it's 22:49 and my wrist is sprained because a guy who i thought was my friend didn't let go when i said "ouch, stop. that hurts."
he didn't apologize.
we aren't friends.
stop means stop.
in every situation.
it's 22:49 and my mind is racing a thousand miles per minute.
it's 22:49 and i'm listening to the cello song on repeat.
it's 22:49 and i'm choking back tears because i am tired.
i am not happy.
i am not where i want to be.
i know i should feel so blessed.
but i am stressed.
it's 22:49 and i'm reminding myself that life is wonderful.
that i am lovable.
that life is meant to be lived. and enjoyed. and loved.
it's 22:49 and i am reminding myself to be passionate.
it's 22:49 and i keep looking around my room reminding myself that this should feel like home.
it's 22:49 and my anxiety and soul are battling it out.
it's 22:49 and i am me.
it's 22:58 and i am amazed how fast i typed this.
it's 22:58 and i take a deep breath.
it's 22:58 and i remember.
i remember that i am so much stronger than i was a year ago.
and two years ago.
and three years ago.
i remember that i have grown and bloomed and blossomed in multiple, positive ways.
i remember that i am loved.
i remember that i am art.
i remember that my grade point average, yes does matter, but my soul matters more.
my sanity matters more.
my mind matters more.
you know what else matters?
my feelings. my emotions.
my thoughts. my words.
my actions.
the fact that i have saved others from harming themselves.
killing themselves.
forgetting themselves.
i have saved others from sadness.
and anger.
i have saved others.
and please know that i am not bragging.
but yes i am celebrating, because those souls, those bodies are absolutely incredible.
they are absolutely significant.
they are absolutely brilliant, and talented, and lovable.
they are worth it.
and so are you.
you are so you.
you are so every star dust that makes up your body.
your mind.
your soul.
your skin.
your thoughts and emotions.
you are so you.
you are so worth loving each and every neuron of yourself.
from your toes to your knees.
from your knees to your hips.
from your hips to your shoulders.
from your shoulders to your head.
from your head to the inside of your heart and mind.
everything.
so be you.
celebrate you.
love you.
and love life.
and please always say yes to life and to love, because i promise darling,
everything will be okay.
it's 23:04 and we are breathing.
it's 23:04 we are connecting our souls to the moon.
and the moon to the stars.
and the stars back down into our souls because darlings we are made out of the very stars that lit up the darkest nights.
because of this, we have the very power to light up our darkest moments.
so shine, love.
choose to shine.
it's 23:05 and we are saying yes to shining.
it's 23:05 and we are saying yes to life.
and most importantly yes to love
(love of self, body, mind, soul, life, positive others, and the world).
