(noun) a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent or something with an uncertain outcome.
Anxiety sucks. It literally feels like your heart is about to give out. Your heart beats so fast, and you try to control your breathing and slow everything down, but you just feel it building up and up. Your eyesight gets all blurry and all you can do is try to calm down. Majority of the time, you cannot calm down. You just have to deal with it until it passes.
I used to get anxiety a lot. It got so bad that I had to leave class and go to the nurse because it literally took total control of me and my body couldn't handle it...so I just sat and cried in a dark room. That was a bad moment in my life. I hate not having control, especially over my own self.
Running and working out definitely help anxiety. That is why when I got injured, and running/working out was not an option anymore, my anxiety heightened. Since I could not work out, I had to find a new release, a new solution.
I'm not into smoking, any substance, due to my extreme health-freak mind set. So I found safe, healthy alternatives. Music and sketching.
Choir helped me so much. More than I could ever explain. And having that 3rd hour, the middle of the day, every school day, was the perfect break for school. (I know I quit choir, and some days I feel as if I made a mistake, but it had to be done. But even though I quit, my respect for Reinsche and Graf remain so high. I will write them a thank you letter one day. That I can promise you).
Sketching is also such a huge help. It let me concentrate on one thing. It lets you be in control of that one thing.
But even those two solutions are amazing, the one thing that helps anxiety the best is a great support system.
(Quick notes to my personal support system)
To my parents, thank you for understanding that anxiety is not just a teenage freak out session. Thank you for letting me cry and not forcing me to tell you what was wrong. I promise you, the times I did not tell you what was wrong was because I could not pinpoint the problem, not because I don't trust you... I promise I do. You guys are the best parents in the world.To my sister, Rachel, thank you for listening to me cry when I needed to just cry. Thank you for listening to me when I know I made no sense between my sobs. Thank you for reassuring me that us Torres girls are so strong, that we can get through anything. Thank you for being such an amazing sister, and brushing me off every time I hit rock bottom. But most importantly, thank you for helping me get back up.
I don't think I thank you or mom&dad enough, so if you read this... just know how thankful I am that I have been blessed with the best family in the world, who I love so dearly.
To my friends, thank you for sticking by my side as I underwent all this mental obstacles. You who have stayed through it all deserve best friend medals. I hope I am as great as friends as y'all are.. I promise you that I at least try my absolute best to be.
And last, but not least, thank you Bear for being the most adorable, handsome, puppy in the world. The rare times you life your head to lick my hand shows how much you care. At least for a split second. Haha, (anybody who knows Bear will find this humorous and true). I love you puppy. You are growing up so fast :').
Back to the point of this post...
The point of this post was partly to relieve some stress, partly to thank my support system, but also because I want whoever reading this to know that anxiety can be overcame. You just have to find the right solutions for you. I promise you that if you ever feel hopeless or super anxious, do not hesitate to ask. I'll do my best to help you.
