noun. song by jewel.
"my hands are small. i know. but they're not yours, they are my own. but they're not yours, they are my own. and i am never broken."
who would've known that a song released in 1998 (when i was just two years old) would end up sparking a lost fire inside me almost eighteen years later?
well here we are.
(if you have not listened to this song: please do...right now.
link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfsS3pIDBfw )
as all of you may or may not know, i've been struggling lately.
i think it's so important that you (my audience and now possible customers) know that even though i'm up here promoting self love, and explaining that i've found my psithurism in many things now, i'm still hurting... not because hurting is something that i'm proud of, but because i need you to know that i'm human and i'm fighting the fight with you. i'm fighting my demons.
anxiety is still a thing, and lately blogging has been almost impossible for me.
the last post, iris, took a lot out of me.
i am not angry about that, because that piece meant so much to me.
but i am angry that i've been struggling with writer's block again.
in simple terms: life has been testing me.
i have felt a sense of heart break, stress, anger, exhaustion, anxiety, and depression in an abundance since that last post.
i have felt a huge wall between me/my soul and my emotions.
i'm hurting but it's like something inside of me won't let me be free.
and i know that betrayal and criticism from others has enhanced that blockage.
criticism from myself has as well.
and it wasn't until the other day where i forced myself to feel that i realized that.
the song that helped me lower that wall was hands by jewel.
the first verse is breathtakingly beautiful.
"if i could tell the world just one thing, it would be: we're all okay.
and not to worry because worry is wasteful and useless in times like these.
i won't be made useless, i won't be idled with despair.
i will gather myself around my faith--for light does the darkness most fear."
we're all okay. even if we aren't right now, we will be eventually. trust in that. trust in your soul. trust in your journey.
i know how hard it is to keep striving for happiness, but it's so fucking important.
don't be made useless. don't be idled with despair.
find your light, find your psithurism.
________________________________________________________________
my hands are small.
almost oddly small, but it is okay.
because even though i may not be able to hold a large amount of items, i can write a poem that frees souls. i can type my blogs that help people realize they aren't alone. i can gently wipe tears. i can hold another's hand. i can touch. i can feel. and i can create.
so even though i still struggle with my demons. even though i wake up losing the fight somedays...
i am never broken.
and neither are you.
